Call Me Leyla

  I always wonder, and by wonder, I mean; I start to wonder about why I am the way I am only to end up getting lost in my tracks imaging different possible scenarios of the outcomes of every possible decision I make. It’s a loop sometimes I can snap out of it if my attention can be directed to something else. I used to write when I was a teenager. Used to go to church back then, where I use to be able to stand in front of everyone and recite what I have written. It was nice. When I was younger, I could thrive on the adrenaline kick that center stage brought me. Somewhere along the way, I became more self-aware. The fear of failing got in the way. You see I was already socially awkward and that didn’t help me make any friends. It was difficult for me to connect with my peers. I wasn’t the girl that had a lot of friends. I would rather be myself than invest energy in engaging people who might end up not liking me anyway. So I did the next best thing I could, keep to myself. Well, tha

  If the girl with cancer can, why can’t you? Recently I have been feeling so overwhelmed, but it's not recent, it's been a while now. Unknown but years to be exact. I can’t explain how I am tired when I am not doing anything physically demanding. I am used to feeling ashamed every time I had to explain why I am tired all the time while the only thing I do is study. I don’t work, I don’t have kids so why should I be tired? Why my brain doesn’t shut up Karen that’s why. The only time I get quiet is when I zoom out when you are talking. When I can focus on that tree outside. The one with the shiny leaves that reflects in the sunlight. The one that is greener cuz it had rained a few days ago. In 2014 I left home and went to another country to study psychology and boy I struggled. I knew from the start this is something I might not have a problem doing for the rest of my life. And of course, so I can be helpful to others. No, it had not been easy. I choose a career that lov